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Dr. Costs-A-Lot
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Those of you familiar with my column from the Winchester Sun will recognize the characters in this week's blog. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, I'll give you a little synopsis.
Sheba, our apricot toy poodle, slightly neurotic, has regular visits with a dog psychiatrist. In truth, she *has* been medicated with doggy prozac before, though she wouldn't appreciate my sharing that piece of information so keep it to yourself. No, we don't really take her to a dog psychiatrist...and if we did, I'd be too embarrassed to say so.
Over the years, many of the more memorable columns occurred in the offices of Dr. Costs-A-Lot. You can read some of those if you click here:
www.freewebs.com/othersideofthefence
Then go to Dr. Costs-A-Lot.
As for today, here we go.
************************
We find ourselves in the plush offices of the overpriced pet psychologist, Dr. Costs-A-Lot. Sheba, the apricot toy poodle is winding up for a full blown tizzy fit. MeiMei, the brindle French bulldog, sits and watches with interest.
Dr. C: "Sheba, perhaps you should sit and tell me what has you in such a state."
Sheba: "Seet? Seet? How can Sheba seet? Maman has lost her mind. Sheba ees devastated."
The poodle dramatically threw herself on the sofa, pulling a silk hankie from her pink leopard coat to gesture dramatically.
Dr. C.: "Exactly how has Maman lost her mind this time?" The doctor folded his hands over his ample midsection and waited. He'd put an addition on his house with the income from the number of times Sheba's Maman had supposedly lost her mind. One more loss of Maman's mind and he'd have that inground pool Mrs. Costs-A-Lot had been wanting...
Sheba: "Eet is all HER fault!" An apricot paw clutching a hankie pointed at the French bulldog as though she were an inspector in a crime drama pointing out the murderer in a room full of people.
MeiMei rolled her eyes.
Sheba: "Zee! She does not even deny eet. She has ruined everyzing!"
MeiMei, henceforth to be known as MM, plopped herself in the floor and settled in for a nap.
Sheba: "And she doesn't even care zat she has fractured zee close personal relationship between Sheba and Maman!"
Dr. C.: "Sheba, please be specific. Exactly what has MeiMei done to your relationship with Maman?"
Sheba: "She..." the poodle paused for dramatic effect, "...she sleeps in zee bed with Sheba and Maman." With that proclamation, the poodle began wailing, pausing occasionally to take a breath and to peek to see if the good doctor was catching her performance.
Dr. C.: "Sheba, I hardly think that allowing MeiMei to sleep on the bed with you and Maman is ruining your relationship." He began doodling on his yellow pad.
Sheba: "But zat eez not all!" Sheba sat up and glared at the sleeping MeiMei. "She stands between Sheba and Maman and weel not let Sheba pass. She zinks she has to be between Maman and everyone, even Papa!"
Dr. C.: (chuckling) "I'm sure Papa just loves that."
Sheba: "Bah, he just eegnores her. No one gets between Papa and Maman. Except occasionally Sheba can slip in between zem. But of course, Sheba ees Sheba." The little dog preened.
Dr. C.: "Perhaps you should do like Papa, simply ignore her."
Sheba: "L'idiot! Have vous ever tried to eegnore zee MeiMei?"
Dr. C.: "I'm eeg...um, ignoring her right now."
Sheba: (with a withering look) "She ees eegnoring vous."
Dr. Costs-A-Lot considers the frenchie who opens one black button eye to make eye contact and let him know she is fully aware of the conversation, then closes the eye, appearing to be asleep.
Dr. C.: "Have you discussed this with Maman?"
Sheba: "Mais non! Sheba could not tell Maman zat MeiMei ees usurping her place een zee bed. ALL her places een zee bed."
MeiMei stood and trotted to the door.
Dr. C.: "We'll discuss this again next time. For now, try to get along with MeiMei."
Sheba cut loose with language to make a sailor blush.
MM shrugged at the doctor and trotted out the door.
Sheba, our apricot toy poodle, slightly neurotic, has regular visits with a dog psychiatrist. In truth, she *has* been medicated with doggy prozac before, though she wouldn't appreciate my sharing that piece of information so keep it to yourself. No, we don't really take her to a dog psychiatrist...and if we did, I'd be too embarrassed to say so.
Over the years, many of the more memorable columns occurred in the offices of Dr. Costs-A-Lot. You can read some of those if you click here:
www.freewebs.com/othersideofthefence
Then go to Dr. Costs-A-Lot.
As for today, here we go.
************************
We find ourselves in the plush offices of the overpriced pet psychologist, Dr. Costs-A-Lot. Sheba, the apricot toy poodle is winding up for a full blown tizzy fit. MeiMei, the brindle French bulldog, sits and watches with interest.
Dr. C: "Sheba, perhaps you should sit and tell me what has you in such a state."
Sheba: "Seet? Seet? How can Sheba seet? Maman has lost her mind. Sheba ees devastated."
The poodle dramatically threw herself on the sofa, pulling a silk hankie from her pink leopard coat to gesture dramatically.
Dr. C.: "Exactly how has Maman lost her mind this time?" The doctor folded his hands over his ample midsection and waited. He'd put an addition on his house with the income from the number of times Sheba's Maman had supposedly lost her mind. One more loss of Maman's mind and he'd have that inground pool Mrs. Costs-A-Lot had been wanting...
Sheba: "Eet is all HER fault!" An apricot paw clutching a hankie pointed at the French bulldog as though she were an inspector in a crime drama pointing out the murderer in a room full of people.
MeiMei rolled her eyes.
Sheba: "Zee! She does not even deny eet. She has ruined everyzing!"
MeiMei, henceforth to be known as MM, plopped herself in the floor and settled in for a nap.
Sheba: "And she doesn't even care zat she has fractured zee close personal relationship between Sheba and Maman!"
Dr. C.: "Sheba, please be specific. Exactly what has MeiMei done to your relationship with Maman?"
Sheba: "She..." the poodle paused for dramatic effect, "...she sleeps in zee bed with Sheba and Maman." With that proclamation, the poodle began wailing, pausing occasionally to take a breath and to peek to see if the good doctor was catching her performance.
Dr. C.: "Sheba, I hardly think that allowing MeiMei to sleep on the bed with you and Maman is ruining your relationship." He began doodling on his yellow pad.
Sheba: "But zat eez not all!" Sheba sat up and glared at the sleeping MeiMei. "She stands between Sheba and Maman and weel not let Sheba pass. She zinks she has to be between Maman and everyone, even Papa!"
Dr. C.: (chuckling) "I'm sure Papa just loves that."
Sheba: "Bah, he just eegnores her. No one gets between Papa and Maman. Except occasionally Sheba can slip in between zem. But of course, Sheba ees Sheba." The little dog preened.
Dr. C.: "Perhaps you should do like Papa, simply ignore her."
Sheba: "L'idiot! Have vous ever tried to eegnore zee MeiMei?"
Dr. C.: "I'm eeg...um, ignoring her right now."
Sheba: (with a withering look) "She ees eegnoring vous."
Dr. Costs-A-Lot considers the frenchie who opens one black button eye to make eye contact and let him know she is fully aware of the conversation, then closes the eye, appearing to be asleep.
Dr. C.: "Have you discussed this with Maman?"
Sheba: "Mais non! Sheba could not tell Maman zat MeiMei ees usurping her place een zee bed. ALL her places een zee bed."
MeiMei stood and trotted to the door.
Dr. C.: "We'll discuss this again next time. For now, try to get along with MeiMei."
Sheba cut loose with language to make a sailor blush.
MM shrugged at the doctor and trotted out the door.
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