April 9, 2009
Pavlov's dogs seem to have learned their lessons more quickly than I.
It's about faith.
No week would be better for me to have learned this lesson than this Easter week, when the apostles became discouraged, Thomas doubted.
I thought next week was going to be horrendous. My husband had been ordered to spend the week in Jacksonville, I was due my last set of shots in my back, the last chance I have to have these back surgical procedures work.
I wrote in March about my son declaring his intention to study abroad in China.
It never occurred to me to turn it all over to God. Instead I cried and worried.
How stupid of me.
As usual, God had my back.
Steve explained our situation to the guy doing the ordering to Jacksonville and he graciously allowed Husband to attend the meeting via phone conference so that he can take me to the surgical procedure which caused me incredible pain last time.
As to my worries about Oldest Son and the trip to China, my friend Jean was here today and informed me that her (I can't remember if she said stepson or brother) lived in China, was CEO of some big company IN STEVEN'S FIELD, and would be happy to pave the way for Steven to come to China to learn the language. Now I know there is someone in that country who could go to Steven in case of emergency. It has totally changed my mind about the entire trip.
Steven has his list of options, is laying them out, getting ready to make his decision about what to do. He will have his ducks in a row.
But the very news that he was going to China made the possibility of Daughter going to Tennessee for her doctoral program suddenly not seem so far away.
So God worked in my life, in spite of my lack of faith, once again, He proved faithful anyway.
You'd think I'd learn...but I *have* learned to be incredibly grateful.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
These are the early hours of what would have been Husband's Grandfather's birthday, had he lived, and just finished reading a short message from my friend who recently got married. She talked about contentment and the blessing it provides to be able to abide in it.
I've felt so far from contentment for so long that I wouldn't know it if it smacked me in the forehead.
Supposedly we are to *choose* contentment. How is that possible when God gives us a certain level of intellect but we are handicapped by disease, by the inability to move well, the inability to retain much of what we try to learn?
In talking to a friend earlier, I got a little annoyed earlier thinking that surely no one could be more self-involved. However, in looking at what I've written, perhaps I, myself, am not far off, given my inability to look at the positive. Husband can point out positives, but it just feels like 'less'. I want to go back to the 'more' feeling I used to have.
The question is how to get there and stay there.