April 2, 2008....Something is up.Mama is crying all the time, but she's hiding crying. Whenever the Toe Game Boy comes in, she sucks it up and tries to act normal. But if Rar Rar or Daddy or Boy come in, she'll still cry.Something is Rotten In Denmark.Toe Game Boy is talking a lot, and usually he's pretty quiet. He's packing all his stuff into plastic boxes, but leaving it in his room. He keeps talking about this Japan place. But he talks about Australian girls there. I don't understand. About exchanging. Is he going to trade Australian girls in Japan? Toe Game Boy might do that. He likes girls. All girls. Especially me.But he also bought all these new clothes. And they're not old nasty holey clothes. They're pretty clothes. And he smells good. And he got new shoes, but he keeps them in a box so I can't chew the leather.I love the taste of leather in the morning.Then there's these two HUGE red bags. Me and Pepper and Sheba and Truffles and Mama could all fit in one of the bags. Toe Game Boy keeps talking about an airport and airplane and laptop.I got news for him. I've seen his lap and that bag is way bigger than his lap. Maybe he'll put an Australian girl on his laptop. In Japan. Hmmm.Maybe it should say "Something is Rotten In Japan". Or something Rotten will be when Toe Game Boy gets there.Japan.I just don't get it.Yet.
Mei Mei Makes a ConquestI knew it was only a matter of time. I kept up the barrage of love, attention, ear cleanings, watching tv over his shoulder, and finally, I have won over The Daddy.The other day he began moving things on the bed, making a space by moving all Mama's many varied things. Per the usual, I thought he wanted to wrestle with Mama and I made myself very small so that he would not lock me in the bathroom.Imagine my surprise, (as well as Mama's) when he was making a space to play with ME. We played the paw game, then we played Bobo, and this went on and on. We ended with a rousing belly rub. Mine, not his.Mama watched, thinking Daddy had somehow lost his mind, but instead he ceased to pretend to merely tolerate me as 'just another dog', and we all know now that I am his favorite.Wait until that bitch Pepper finds out. Terriers have such an attitude to begin with. I can hardly wait.
Those of you familiar with my column from the Winchester Sun will recognize the characters in this week's blog. For those of you unfamiliar with the situation, I'll give you a little synopsis.Sheba, our apricot toy poodle, slightly neurotic, has regular visits with a dog psychiatrist. In truth, she *has* been medicated with doggy prozac before, though she wouldn't appreciate my sharing that piece of information so keep it to yourself. No, we don't really take her to a dog psychiatrist...and if we did, I'd be too embarrassed to say so. Over the years, many of the more memorable columns occurred in the offices of Dr. Costs-A-Lot. You can read some of those if you click here: www.freewebs.com/othersideofthefenceThen go to Dr. Costs-A-Lot. As for today, here we go.************************We find ourselves in the plush offices of the overpriced pet psychologist, Dr. Costs-A-Lot. Sheba, the apricot toy poodle is winding up for a full blown tizzy fit. MeiMei, the brindle French bulldog, sits and watches with interest.Dr. C: "Sheba, perhaps you should sit and tell me what has you in such a state."Sheba: "Seet? Seet? How can Sheba seet? Maman has lost her mind. Sheba ees devastated." The poodle dramatically threw herself on the sofa, pulling a silk hankie from her pink leopard coat to gesture dramatically.Dr. C.: "Exactly how has Maman lost her mind this time?" The doctor folded his hands over his ample midsection and waited. He'd put an addition on his house with the income from the number of times Sheba's Maman had supposedly lost her mind. One more loss of Maman's mind and he'd have that inground pool Mrs. Costs-A-Lot had been wanting...Sheba: "Eet is all HER fault!" An apricot paw clutching a hankie pointed at the French bulldog as though she were an inspector in a crime drama pointing out the murderer in a room full of people.MeiMei rolled her eyes.Sheba: "Zee! She does not even deny eet. She has ruined everyzing!"MeiMei, henceforth to be known as MM, plopped herself in the floor and settled in for a nap.Sheba: "And she doesn't even care zat she has fractured zee close personal relationship between Sheba and Maman!"Dr. C.: "Sheba, please be specific. Exactly what has MeiMei done to your relationship with Maman?"Sheba: "She..." the poodle paused for dramatic effect, "...she sleeps in zee bed with Sheba and Maman." With that proclamation, the poodle began wailing, pausing occasionally to take a breath and to peek to see if the good doctor was catching her performance.Dr. C.: "Sheba, I hardly think that allowing MeiMei to sleep on the bed with you and Maman is ruining your relationship." He began doodling on his yellow pad.Sheba: "But zat eez not all!" Sheba sat up and glared at the sleeping MeiMei. "She stands between Sheba and Maman and weel not let Sheba pass. She zinks she has to be between Maman and everyone, even Papa!"Dr. C.: (chuckling) "I'm sure Papa just loves that."Sheba: "Bah, he just eegnores her. No one gets between Papa and Maman. Except occasionally Sheba can slip in between zem. But of course, Sheba ees Sheba." The little dog preened.Dr. C.: "Perhaps you should do like Papa, simply ignore her."Sheba: "L'idiot! Have vous ever tried to eegnore zee MeiMei?"Dr. C.: "I'm eeg...um, ignoring her right now."Sheba: (with a withering look) "She ees eegnoring vous."Dr. Costs-A-Lot considers the frenchie who opens one black button eye to make eye contact and let him know she is fully aware of the conversation, then closes the eye, appearing to be asleep.Dr. C.: "Have you discussed this with Maman?"Sheba: "Mais non! Sheba could not tell Maman zat MeiMei ees usurping her place een zee bed. ALL her places een zee bed."MeiMei stood and trotted to the door.Dr. C.: "We'll discuss this again next time. For now, try to get along with MeiMei."Sheba cut loose with language to make a sailor blush.MM shrugged at the doctor and trotted out the door.
