June 28, 2008
Day three of Thirty Days of Hormonal Hell.
As you may or may not know, I had a bit of a scare when my uterine lining was suddenly twice as thick as it should be. One of my new meds was sending me into premature menopause, which I was having no problem with at all. The thick lining was a big problem for my GYN.
She attempted a biopsy and the Closed Cervix of Doom refused to let even a thin wire in to take the biopsy, which caused her to put me on hormones for Ten Days of Hell and force a menstrual period so that the Closed Cervix of Doom would open enough for her to get a biopsy.
For those ten days, I cried like a 13 year old whose hormones are bouncing like a rubber ball. I hated it. I swore I'd never take them again.
After the ten days started, and the crying began, I determined I was NEVER going on that medication again.
Yeah Right.
After a week of waiting to hear if I had cancer, and there's an adventure...pretending things are normal when you have a possible cancer diagnosis hanging over your head like an axe.
The good news came a day early, Thank you God, and I was feeling rather normal once off the hormone, which of course is why the GYN has put me on 1/2 dose for thirty days, hoping it will thin my uterine lining. Any surgical procedure will flare lupus and cause all kinds of trouble. My mother got up from a uterine biopsy and drove herself home. I was so weak and lost so much blood afterwards, I had to have someone stay with me for three days. It took me a week to get back on my feet.
So I can't eat. I'm not hungry, I wish there was no such thing as food and I never had to eat again. Husband decides to fix himself a Spam and Egg sandwich.
The thought of it was enough to make me vomit, but the SMELL, my gosh, the smell is so vomitous so vile that it defies description.
For some reason, he's decided to fix himself another one, as though that horrific smell doesn't waft to the back of the house, through every nook and cranny just because he didn't bring it back here. He was annoyed with me, though I'm still not sure what over and likely won't ever be because when I ask him, he never will tell me.
So I've had my cry and am trying not to throw up.
This particular page is likely to be full of whining, complaining, crying, ranting, depressive ramblings for the next 27 days. If you don't want to read it, don't bother. I want to be able to see exactly what this hormone does to me in case she wants me to stay on it longer. I simply cannot be put through an emotional wringer for a long period of time because the stress of it isn't good for my lupus. But then little is.
The doctor asked if I thought I could stand it. I told her I would try and I will. It just won't be easy. Three days and I hate it already. Look, I've criticized Husband in a public forum, something I would never have dreamed of doing...though if you smelled Spam and eggs, you would likely understand. Husband is a good husband, and as husbands go, he is pretty much a gem. A Spam colored gem.